i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
