needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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