I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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