shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
