He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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