I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
