12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
