Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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