If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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