That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
