Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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