I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
