I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
