Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
