when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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