why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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