His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
