Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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