It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
