Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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