if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
