Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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