I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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