Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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