You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
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Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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