how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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