If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
