The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
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The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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