he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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