next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
