I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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