I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i drank out of a bidet.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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