i was born a porn star she said
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
