$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
