Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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