So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
