I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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