I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
