I'm laying in your front yard are you home
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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