Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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