I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I am available for nakedness
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
