she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
