No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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