he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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