You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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