he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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