if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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