I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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