Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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