More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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