help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
