Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
