I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
