dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
