Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
