Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
im on a boat
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