Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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