At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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