very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
