i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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