You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
