Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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