I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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