I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
