There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
