He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
