i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Ketchup is God's man juice
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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