I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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