If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
