My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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