Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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