Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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