i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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