She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
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I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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