I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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